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Revenge of the Ninja (1983)

This movie is the cinematic equivalent of a screaming neon sign that says “WARNING: 80s CHEESE AHEAD.” The acting? Wooden enough to build a nunchuck factory. The plot? Thinner than Sho Kosugi after a particularly rigorous shuriken throwing session.

But here’s the thing: who cares? Revenge of the Ninja is pure, unadulterated fun. It’s ninjas throwing stars like they’re confetti at a wedding, explosions that would make Michael Bay jealous, and fight choreography that would make even a confused turtle look coordinated.

Sho Kosugi is a stone-faced badass as Cho, a ninja wronged. His quest for vengeance involves enough slow-motion flips and flying kicks to make you dizzy. And let’s not forget the villains. We’ve got a black-clad karate cult leader with a mullet so aerodynamic it could generate its own wind tunnel, and a team of goons whose idea of stealth is wearing bright red jumpsuits.

This movie is like a bad acid trip directed by a hyperactive eight-year-old hopped up on Pixie Stix. It’s nonsensical, outrageous, and strangely endearing. So if you’re looking for something intelligent, this ain’t it. But if you want to laugh, cheer, and marvel at the sheer audacity of 80s action cinema, then Revenge of the Ninja is your golden shuriken.

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